ISLAMIC QUESTIONS & ANSWERS RELATED TO MARRIAGE

Marriage is a really Important part of human lives and Islam has given us clear guidelines regarding marriage. It guides us about each and every aspect of marriage. Following we are sharing some frequently asked Questions and their answers related to Marriages.

1 Islam permits Love Marriage or not?

If two people like each other then there is nothing better than marriage for them so Islam surely allows Love marriage. however Islam doesn't allow having any kind of relationship before marriage.

2 what is the minimum age required to get married in Islam?

Islam doesn't gives any specific age at which a girl and boy can married. however Puberty is necessary to get married.

3 can parents force their children to marry specific person?

Its haram to force your children to marry someone. Islam allows everybody to choose their life partners freely.

4 What Is the Islamic way of marriage?

Islamic way of getting married is really simple. Girl and boy will have Nikah in Mosque and next day Boy will give walima party to guests. there is no Mehndi, Barat and Engagement In Islam.

5 Is temporary marriage allowed in Islam for specific period?

temporary marriage which is also known as Mutah is forbidden In Islam because Prophet SAW forbidden it.

6 Can girl get married without permission of her Wali?

Its not allowed for a girl to get married without taking permission from her Wali according to hadith of Rasool Allah SAW.

these are some of  the most asked questions regarding marriages. I hope this post will help all the people who are looking for answers.

RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE

QUESTION

I hear all the time of the duties of the wife in Islam, but nothing regarding the duties of the husband. What are his obligations as a husband? Does he merely have a financial obligation to his wife and nothing more? Who is to decorate the house, mow the lawn, raise the children, cook, clean, wash and iron?

Answer

Before replying to your question, I would like to clarify a basic point which should always be borne in mind in such matters.

One should clearly distinguish between the Islamic teachings and the general practice of the Muslims. Unfortunately, we are living in an age where the vast majority of the Muslims are not aware of the noble teachings of Islam nor do they practice them in their day-to-day lives. Instead, they are mostly influenced by the different cultures in which they are/have been living. Therefore, everything the Muslims practice cannot be attributed to Islam. When one evaluates the virtues of Islam, he should not refer to the practice of the Muslims of today; rather he should turn to the principles laid down in the Holy Qur’an and Sunnah. Obviously, if the Muslims have abandoned the guidance of the Shari’ah, it cannot be seen as a defect in the Shari’ah itself. It is a defect in those who have deprived themselves of this Divine Guidance.

Bearing this in mind, here is the answer to your query:

It is evident from a plain study of the relevant material found in the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah that Islam treats the bond of marriage as a bilateral contract between husband and wife, each one of them having some rights and obligations. The Holy Qur’an is very much clear on this point when it says (translation):

And they (the women) have rights similar to their obligations (2:228 )

It is clear from this verse of the Holy Qur’an that the obligations of a wife towards her husband are no less than the rights she enjoys. The Holy Qur’an has summarized the obligations of a husband towards his wife in a few words where it has made it obligatory for him to

‘keep her with fairness’ (2:229).

In another verse, the Holy Qur’an instructs him in the following words:

‘and live with [your wives] in goodness [and fairness]‘ (4:19).

Therefore, it is not correct to say that Islam has laid more emphasis on the obligations of a wife than on that of the husband. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has stressed the rights of women in a relatively larger number of his sayings. To quote but a few:

The best of you are those who are best to their wives. (al-Tirmidhi)

No Muslim should detest his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of her qualities, he may find some other qualities more pleasing.

[Hold fast to my advice with regard to women:] Treat them with goodness/kindness. (al-Tirmidhi)

These few examples are sufficient to illustrate the great concern the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has shown for the rights of a woman. In fact he had dedicated a substantial portion of his last sermon at the Hajjat al-Wada’ (Farewell pilgrimage) to explain and stress the importance of a husband’s obligations towards his wife.

.. It is not a legal (Shar’i) obligation upon a wife to cook the meals or clean the house. If a woman chooses not to do this, her husband cannot compel her to do so. However, apart from the legal injunctions Islam has given some moral instructions to both the husband and wife. They should realise that they are life companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable and harmonious as possible. They are asked to co-operate with each other in solving their day-to-day problems. For this purpose, it is strongly advised that, as co-operating friends, they divide all the chores and duties between themselves according to their mutual convenience. The wife should take care of the home while the husband undertakes outdoor economic activities etc. this division of chores and duties was the practice of the Muslims during the lifetime of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Even Fatimah (Radhiyallahu ‘anha), the beloved and noble daughter of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), used to carry out all the household chores herself while her noble husband ‘Ali (Radhiyallahu ‘anhu) carried out all the economic duties. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) encouraged her in this.

It is true that from a pure legal point of view a wife may refuse to cook meals or carry out other household chores. Similarly, a husband has the legal right given him by the Shari’ah to refuse her permission to meet her relatives. If both of them restrict themselves to such a difficult ‘legal relationship’, an atmosphere of love, harmony, mutual understanding, and bilateral co-operation cannot develop between them.
A wife should not view household chores as demeaning or disgraceful in any way. In fact, her active contribution to her own home is the basic source of strength for the family and wider society. It is great service not just to her family but to the whole nation since the welfare of the nation is dependant on a healthy institution of the family. It is very strange that when an air hostess serves meals to hundreds of strangers on an aeroplane it is seen as a manifestation of liberalism, progress, and emancipation. However, when a wife renders much lighter services to her own family it is deemed servitude, a disgrace, and backwardness.

Today the western societies are suffering a devastating breakdown of the institution of the family. Their leaders and intellectuals are mourning this devastation, which is caused by nothing other than the lack of mutual co-operation between husband and wife and their failure to determine the rights and obligations of both according to natural, biological and religious requirements.

[I would like to stress on the husband that] he should always remember that the household work undertaken by his wife is not a legal and Shar’i duty upon her. It is a voluntary service on her part for the welfare and benefit of the family. Therefore, he should always appreciate this goodwill from her. At the same time, he should never overburden her with all the household chores. Wherever possible he should try to provide her with servants or assist her himself. It has been reported in many authentic Ahadith that, despite his extremely demanding outdoor duties of Prophethood, the Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to carry out many domestic chores himself. For example, he used to milk the goats, wash and sew his clothes. We do not find anywhere in the Sunnah that he ordered any of his blessed wives to do this for him. However, they would carry out these chores of their own accord without him having to ask them.

[To conclude,] it is not correct to say that the Islamic books written on this subject discuss only the obligations of the wife. In fact, all the books of Islamic Law discuss the rights of both the husband and wife simultaneously. They go as far as to mention that a husband cannot travel for more than four months at any one time without the consent of his wife. Sadly, many Muslims are not aware of the teachings of their religion and, consequently, transgress in their relationship with their wives.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PIOUS HUSBAND

 On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]

To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]

One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]

Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]

Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PIOUS WIFE

A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah. Complete obedience and adherence to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and Quran is the best of a woman’s qualities.

Examples:
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [4:34]

An-Nasaii narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked “Who are the best of women?” He replied, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”

Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If a woman prayed five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its(eight) doors.”

Reflect on:
If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: “Do not harm him, May Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.” [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi]

If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angels will curse her till the morning. [Muslim]

Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her. [An-Nasaii].

A woman does not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadan. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to bow down to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One who owns the soul of Muhammad,if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad]

CHOOSING THE DESIRED WIFE

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.

When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect"companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on.

The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

Who To Marry

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. 

True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.

In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman.

Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard.'" [al-Taubah: 34-35]

Umar (r.a.) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away.

Abu Bakr(r.a.) once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied:"the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds." Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person. 

Qualities of The Pious Woman 

Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity."[An-Nur: 26] "Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard." [An-Nisa': 34]

"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..." [At-Tahrim: 5]

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes: -a Muslim woman -a believing woman -a devout woman -a true woman -a woman who is patient and constant -a woman who humbles herself -a woman who gives charity -a woman who fasts and denies herself -a woman who guards her chastity -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.

Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities:"O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down." [Al-Imraan: 43]

Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden.'" [At-Tahrim: 11]

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her." Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." [An-Nisaa: 19] Remember also that you are not perfect either. 

Knowing Who She Is

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments." [An-Nur: 31] 

If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends."

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones. Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

Trust in Allah

We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge. Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.

It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)." 

I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him. Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. 

Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly. The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage.

We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out.'"

Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children.

Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them." [Al-A'raf: 189]Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous." [al-Furqan: 74]

I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us.

Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him." [Al-Imran: 159]

May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves. "When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way."[Al-Baqarah: 186] 

THIS IS MY WIFE'S TRUST

Once a group of Muslims were on their travels propagating Islam in Edinburgh. The Imam who was leading the prayer [in a public place] after completing it, was met by a few girls. One of the girls asked, "Do you know English?" The young man [who was leading the prayer] said, "I do". She said, "What is this that you have done?" The young man replied, "We have performed worship". The girl said, "But today isn’t Sunday". The young man said, "We do this five times a day". The young lady expressed, "That’s a lot".

The young man explained that if the blessings of Allah are kept in view, this is very little. And this is that action which brings about the spring of tranquility. This isn’t hardship, this is felicity. Then the girl extended her hand to bid farewell and the young man said, "Forgive me for my hand cannot touch you". She asked why? He said, "This is my wife’s trust". The girl collapsed to the ground, With tears in her eyes, she said, "How blessed is that wife who has such a husband, O that the men in Europe would be like this!"

BETTER HUSBAND AND WIFE RELATIONSHIP

“O’You who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations. …” (Al-Quraan 5:1)

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard. As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. “(Surah Nisaa 34)

“Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Surah Nahl 97)

1) Negative Relationship of Husband & Wife.

Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. The wife feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives never show their husband that they are satisfied with anything he does or buys for them in order to trick him into doing and buying more. They make him feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family.

2) Marriage In The Eyes of Allah.

It is very sad that this relationship which Allah has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

Allah described marriage very differently in the Quran: “He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts).” (Al-Quran 30:21)

3) Do not be a Tyrant.

Whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. Muslim men are taught to treat their wives well. The Prophet (SAW) said: “The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives” (From Mishkaat)

4) Be Partners in the Decision Making Process.

Follow the principle of ‘Shura,” and make decisions as a family. There will be much more harmony in the family when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels that they had some part in making them.

5) Never be Emotionally…

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21)

Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your spouse. The Prophet (SAW) never mistreated his wives. The Prophet (SAW) said: “How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night? (Al-Bukhari)

6) Be Careful of Your Words.

Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation.

7) Show Affection.

Ayesha (RA) says: “Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said, “Be calm, O ‘Ayesha! Allah loves that; one should be kind and lenient in all matters.” (Al-Bukhari)

Show affection for your mate. Be kind, gentle, and loving.

8) Be Your Spouse’s Friend

Too often, we live in the same house but know nothing about each other’s lives. It would be great if the husband and wife could work together for the same cause or on the same project.

9) Show Appreciation.

Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family. Never make your husband feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family. The Prophet (SAW) said: “On the Day of Judgment, Allah will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband.” (Al-Hakim)

Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don’t take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated.

10) Work Together in the House.

Ayesha (RA), when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in his house, she said: “He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.”

The Prophet (SAW) is known to have helped his wives in the house. And if the Prophet (SAWS) was not above doing housework, modern Muslim husbands shouldn’t feel that they are.

11) Communication is Important.

The big word used in counseling “Communication”. And it should be. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs.

12) Forget Past Problems.

Don’t bring up past problems once they have been solved.

13) Live Simply.

Develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah for the many blessings in your life.

14) Give Your Spouse Time Alone.

People need to be alone for various reasons. Sometimes they want to read, to think about their problems, or just to relax. Don’t make them feel that they are committing a sin.

15) Admit Your Mistakes.

When you make a mistake, admit it. It truly does not make you small in the others eyes or heart. When your spouse makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.

16) Have Meals Together.

Eat together as a family. Show the cook, whether it is the husband (yes men can cook) or the wife, appreciation for his or her efforts. The Prophet (SAW) did not complain about food that was put before him.

17) Mindful of Your discussion Topics.

Never discuss with others things about your marriage that your spouse wouldn’t like you to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their spouse’s physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.

Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we would never treat others. With others, we try to be polite, kind, and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our worst times, when we are tired and frustrated after a hard day. Wives and husbands should discuss this potential time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with each other during these times, they will understand the reasons rather than automatically thinking that their spouse no longer loves them.

Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated.