ISLAMIC QUESTIONS & ANSWERS RELATED TO MARRIAGE

Marriage is a really Important part of human lives and Islam has given us clear guidelines regarding marriage. It guides us about each and every aspect of marriage. Following we are sharing some frequently asked Questions and their answers related to Marriages.

1 Islam permits Love Marriage or not?

If two people like each other then there is nothing better than marriage for them so Islam surely allows Love marriage. however Islam doesn't allow having any kind of relationship before marriage.

2 what is the minimum age required to get married in Islam?

Islam doesn't gives any specific age at which a girl and boy can married. however Puberty is necessary to get married.

3 can parents force their children to marry specific person?

Its haram to force your children to marry someone. Islam allows everybody to choose their life partners freely.

4 What Is the Islamic way of marriage?

Islamic way of getting married is really simple. Girl and boy will have Nikah in Mosque and next day Boy will give walima party to guests. there is no Mehndi, Barat and Engagement In Islam.

5 Is temporary marriage allowed in Islam for specific period?

temporary marriage which is also known as Mutah is forbidden In Islam because Prophet SAW forbidden it.

6 Can girl get married without permission of her Wali?

Its not allowed for a girl to get married without taking permission from her Wali according to hadith of Rasool Allah SAW.

these are some of  the most asked questions regarding marriages. I hope this post will help all the people who are looking for answers.

RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE

QUESTION

I hear all the time of the duties of the wife in Islam, but nothing regarding the duties of the husband. What are his obligations as a husband? Does he merely have a financial obligation to his wife and nothing more? Who is to decorate the house, mow the lawn, raise the children, cook, clean, wash and iron?

Answer

Before replying to your question, I would like to clarify a basic point which should always be borne in mind in such matters.

One should clearly distinguish between the Islamic teachings and the general practice of the Muslims. Unfortunately, we are living in an age where the vast majority of the Muslims are not aware of the noble teachings of Islam nor do they practice them in their day-to-day lives. Instead, they are mostly influenced by the different cultures in which they are/have been living. Therefore, everything the Muslims practice cannot be attributed to Islam. When one evaluates the virtues of Islam, he should not refer to the practice of the Muslims of today; rather he should turn to the principles laid down in the Holy Qur’an and Sunnah. Obviously, if the Muslims have abandoned the guidance of the Shari’ah, it cannot be seen as a defect in the Shari’ah itself. It is a defect in those who have deprived themselves of this Divine Guidance.

Bearing this in mind, here is the answer to your query:

It is evident from a plain study of the relevant material found in the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah that Islam treats the bond of marriage as a bilateral contract between husband and wife, each one of them having some rights and obligations. The Holy Qur’an is very much clear on this point when it says (translation):

And they (the women) have rights similar to their obligations (2:228 )

It is clear from this verse of the Holy Qur’an that the obligations of a wife towards her husband are no less than the rights she enjoys. The Holy Qur’an has summarized the obligations of a husband towards his wife in a few words where it has made it obligatory for him to

‘keep her with fairness’ (2:229).

In another verse, the Holy Qur’an instructs him in the following words:

‘and live with [your wives] in goodness [and fairness]‘ (4:19).

Therefore, it is not correct to say that Islam has laid more emphasis on the obligations of a wife than on that of the husband. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has stressed the rights of women in a relatively larger number of his sayings. To quote but a few:

The best of you are those who are best to their wives. (al-Tirmidhi)

No Muslim should detest his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of her qualities, he may find some other qualities more pleasing.

[Hold fast to my advice with regard to women:] Treat them with goodness/kindness. (al-Tirmidhi)

These few examples are sufficient to illustrate the great concern the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has shown for the rights of a woman. In fact he had dedicated a substantial portion of his last sermon at the Hajjat al-Wada’ (Farewell pilgrimage) to explain and stress the importance of a husband’s obligations towards his wife.

.. It is not a legal (Shar’i) obligation upon a wife to cook the meals or clean the house. If a woman chooses not to do this, her husband cannot compel her to do so. However, apart from the legal injunctions Islam has given some moral instructions to both the husband and wife. They should realise that they are life companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable and harmonious as possible. They are asked to co-operate with each other in solving their day-to-day problems. For this purpose, it is strongly advised that, as co-operating friends, they divide all the chores and duties between themselves according to their mutual convenience. The wife should take care of the home while the husband undertakes outdoor economic activities etc. this division of chores and duties was the practice of the Muslims during the lifetime of the Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Even Fatimah (Radhiyallahu ‘anha), the beloved and noble daughter of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), used to carry out all the household chores herself while her noble husband ‘Ali (Radhiyallahu ‘anhu) carried out all the economic duties. The Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) encouraged her in this.

It is true that from a pure legal point of view a wife may refuse to cook meals or carry out other household chores. Similarly, a husband has the legal right given him by the Shari’ah to refuse her permission to meet her relatives. If both of them restrict themselves to such a difficult ‘legal relationship’, an atmosphere of love, harmony, mutual understanding, and bilateral co-operation cannot develop between them.
A wife should not view household chores as demeaning or disgraceful in any way. In fact, her active contribution to her own home is the basic source of strength for the family and wider society. It is great service not just to her family but to the whole nation since the welfare of the nation is dependant on a healthy institution of the family. It is very strange that when an air hostess serves meals to hundreds of strangers on an aeroplane it is seen as a manifestation of liberalism, progress, and emancipation. However, when a wife renders much lighter services to her own family it is deemed servitude, a disgrace, and backwardness.

Today the western societies are suffering a devastating breakdown of the institution of the family. Their leaders and intellectuals are mourning this devastation, which is caused by nothing other than the lack of mutual co-operation between husband and wife and their failure to determine the rights and obligations of both according to natural, biological and religious requirements.

[I would like to stress on the husband that] he should always remember that the household work undertaken by his wife is not a legal and Shar’i duty upon her. It is a voluntary service on her part for the welfare and benefit of the family. Therefore, he should always appreciate this goodwill from her. At the same time, he should never overburden her with all the household chores. Wherever possible he should try to provide her with servants or assist her himself. It has been reported in many authentic Ahadith that, despite his extremely demanding outdoor duties of Prophethood, the Holy Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used to carry out many domestic chores himself. For example, he used to milk the goats, wash and sew his clothes. We do not find anywhere in the Sunnah that he ordered any of his blessed wives to do this for him. However, they would carry out these chores of their own accord without him having to ask them.

[To conclude,] it is not correct to say that the Islamic books written on this subject discuss only the obligations of the wife. In fact, all the books of Islamic Law discuss the rights of both the husband and wife simultaneously. They go as far as to mention that a husband cannot travel for more than four months at any one time without the consent of his wife. Sadly, many Muslims are not aware of the teachings of their religion and, consequently, transgress in their relationship with their wives.

REAL LOVE STARTS AFTER NIKKAH

I Bring You Another Story With A Powerful Message...Please read And Share And Spread The Awareness As This Is A Very Common Mistake These Days...Jazak ALLAHU Khair...
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Some sisters assume that since they are properly covered, its okay for them to sit around and talk, laugh, joke, etc with the men, but thats not right, even if he is the Shaikh.

ALLAH says: “. . .then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner.” [al-Ahzaab:32]

So talk to them when there is a specific need, and in a manner that is not necessarily rude, yet it is polite but firm.

Staring at the brothers or checking them out is NOT Hijaab.

ALLAH orders us to lower your gaze in the above verse. Why? Because a single look can say more than a thousand words.

So, even if you are properly covered, keep those eyes down, conduct yourself with Hayaa, and avoid fitnah. Chatting on the internet/phone is not part of Hijab; it is haraam for a man or woman to listen to each others words with enjoyment, for fear of fitnah (temptation).
There is no such thing as were just friends in Islam.

Talking to non-Mahrams is wrong even if it is through the internet or telephone.

There are too many stories of illegal relationships, fornications, broken homes, extra-marital affairs and runaway brides to even mention.

That is why in Islam anything that leads to haraam is also haraam.

ALLAH says: Do not (even) come close to fornication, for it is an indecency, and its way is evil. (Surah Israa:32)

May ALLAH guide us all in sha Allah.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PIOUS HUSBAND

 On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]

To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]

One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]

Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]

Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PIOUS WIFE

A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah. Complete obedience and adherence to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and Quran is the best of a woman’s qualities.

Examples:
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win. [Bukhari & Muslim]

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [4:34]

An-Nasaii narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked “Who are the best of women?” He replied, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”

Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If a woman prayed five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its(eight) doors.”

Reflect on:
If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: “Do not harm him, May Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.” [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi]

If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angels will curse her till the morning. [Muslim]

Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her. [An-Nasaii].

A woman does not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadan. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii]

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to bow down to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One who owns the soul of Muhammad,if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad]

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM – PURPOSE AND VIRTUES

Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (peace be upon him) has said

“There is no celibacy in Islam.Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high “taqwa/Iman”.

The prophet has also said, “Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me”. [Narrated by Ibn-e-Majah]

Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms

Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]

They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them … [Quran 2:187]

And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised to believers – men and women – gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity. [Quran 9:71-72]

Purpose of Marriage

The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.

Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.

Conditions for marrying

For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

1. Consent of both parties.

One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.

Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.

There are many texts that support the couple in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them”

At first, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden man or woman by forcing them to marry someone whom they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations.

2. “Mahr” a gift from the groom to his bride.

Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman’ in Quran:

And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift .. [Quran 4:4]

But if you had given the latter a cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) for dower (Mahr) take not the least bit of it back … [Quran 4:20]

Marry with whom?

Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:

“Marry the women of your choice..” [Quran 4:3]

Choose the righteous partner,

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.

No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah Subhana Wa ta’Alla has said:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity (Qur’an 24:26)

This does not mean that the Muslim woman or man should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is their right to marry a person for whom his/her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to both in appearance and in conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim is never dazzled by outward appearances.

For Muslim men and women – for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise – for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’an 33:35)

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.

“A woman is married for (one of) four reasons: her wealth, her status, her beauty and her religious devotion. So marry the religious woman, else you be a loser.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

CHOOSING THE DESIRED WIFE

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.

When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect"companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on.

The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.

Who To Marry

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery. 

True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.

In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman.

Once the following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard.'" [al-Taubah: 34-35]

Umar (r.a.) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away.

Abu Bakr(r.a.) once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied:"the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds." Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person. 

Qualities of The Pious Woman 

Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities. "And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity."[An-Nur: 26] "Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard." [An-Nisa': 34]

"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..." [At-Tahrim: 5]

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes: -a Muslim woman -a believing woman -a devout woman -a true woman -a woman who is patient and constant -a woman who humbles herself -a woman who gives charity -a woman who fasts and denies herself -a woman who guards her chastity -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.

Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities:"O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down." [Al-Imraan: 43]

Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden.'" [At-Tahrim: 11]

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her." Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good." [An-Nisaa: 19] Remember also that you are not perfect either. 

Knowing Who She Is

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments." [An-Nur: 31] 

If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends."

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones. Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.

Trust in Allah

We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge. Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.

It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)." 

I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him. Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. 

Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly. The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage.

We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out.'"

Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children.

Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them." [Al-A'raf: 189]Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous." [al-Furqan: 74]

I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us.

Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him." [Al-Imran: 159]

May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves. "When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way."[Al-Baqarah: 186] 

NIKKAH - MAKE IT SIMPLE

Nowadays, we seem to have been so caught up in rituals and customs that we tend to waste enormous amounts of money and time on things that simply aren’t needed. Nikah and walimah are both sunnahs (traditions) of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), so doesn’t it make sense to try to commemorate these occasions in the same fashion as he did?

Anas (RA) describes one of the walimahs hosted by the Prophet (SAW):

“The Prophet stayed for three days at a place between Khaibar and Medina, and there he consummated his marriage with Safiyya bint Huyay (RA). I invited the Muslims to a banquet which included neither meat nor bread. The Prophet (SAW) ordered for the leather dining sheets to be spread, and then dates, dried yogurt and butter were provided over it, and that was the Walima (banquet) of the Prophet (SAW).” (Reported by Bukhari)

In another report, Anas (RA) says that the Prophet (SAW) “gave a wedding banquet with Hais (a sort of sweet dish made from butter, cheese and dates).” (Reported by Bukhari)

There is nothing wrong with having an elaborate ceremony in a fancy banquet hall and full-course meal prepared by a caterer, but the fact of the matter is that neither of these are requirements for a successful marriage ceremony. If one wishes to hold the ceremony in a banquet hall with a full-course meal, that’s perfectly fine, but it shouldn’t be taken as a requirement.

I’m sure many of us loan large sums of money just so we can host fancy receptions for our weddings. Or even if we spend extravagant amounts of our own money, it’s sad because there are so many better uses for our hard-earned money. After all, the amount of money spent on the ceremony has no positive effect on the life of the couple.

The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said:

“The marriage which is most greatly blessed is the one which is the lightest in burden [expense]. However, if people are well catered for, without extravagance and show, there is no problem with that either.” (Reported by Bayhaqi)

For sure, marriage an occasion to celebrate, but why waste enormous amounts of money on a celebration? It’s definitely not how our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) celebrated. In fact, wasting Allah’s bounties is something Allah has warned us against:

“But waste not by excess: for Allah loves not the wasters.” (Quran, 6:141)

It can be difficult to swim against the tide of fancy and extravagant marriages, but surely, it’s worth swimming against the tides that go against Allah’s command and the example set by the Prophet (SAW).

Let’s save all that money and keep it for better uses. That money is sure to be in demand once the honeymoon is over and the actual daily routine sets in.

If we do that with the right intention, we’ll end up saving money and at the same time, we’ll be adding to our good-deed account as well.

After all, who can’t use some extra cash, some extra good deeds, and a greatly blessed marriage (since the most greatly blessed marriage is the one that lightest in expense)

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I KNOW IT'S HARAM BUT... I LOVE HIM

I KNOW IT'S HARAM BUT …I LOVE HIM.. 

This is the answer that some sisters give when they tell them that having bf is Haram in Islam. So this is a message for everyone of them: 

“Dear sister, generally, a Muslimah should only love the man she will accept to marry because of his commitment to his deen! The more he will be closed to Allah, the more she should love him. 
What about you? Why do you love him? Is it because of his sweet love words? Be certain that they are nothing but shaytan whispers!! Is it because of his promises of marriage? If he really wants you, he would be a real man and come to your house to ask for your hand in marriage… If he is a real man, he would approach your wali not you!! 

Have you ever asked yourself if he truly loves you? Because if he truly does, then he wouldn’t let you face hell !! True love is when you pray to be gathered in Jannah with the one you love! That’s true love, and it only comes with Halal, after marriage! 

Have you ever asked yourself if he would let his sister have boyfriend? A real Muslim man would have jealousy on his Maharim (his mother, sister, wife…) and if he has no Jealousy, so he is “dayouth”as Prophet Mohammad (sallaAllahu alaihi wa sallam) described this type of man! If he would let his sister to have bf, then you will know his true value, but if he would refuse to let her have bf then you will know your true value in his sight!! 
Dear sister, know that no matter how much he “loves” you in this Dunya , he will hate you 1000X more than that in the Akhirah.

YES!!He will HATE you, he will blame you for your relationship when he will be between the Hands of Allah, and he will beg for you to be thrown into the fire instead of him! 

Allah says in Qur’an :"Al Akhillaa (Friends/the lovers who had forbidden relationships) on that Day will be foes one to another(they will be like enemies) except Al-Muttaqun (the ones who feared Allah) "( 43:67)

Is that the kind of love you want? A temporary feeling you get in Dunya, a feeling inspired by Shaytan which turn to hate in Akhirah?!!

Do you love Allah sister? Because 2 kinds of love would never be together in a believer’s heart : haram love and love of the Lord of the Worlds! 

Dear, please wake up before it’s too late, you still have time to make things right, leave this Haram relationship right now! Leave it for Allah .. Wallahi the price HE will grant you will be greater than you have ever thought… Just make that step today before tomorrow!